Thursday, July 9, 2009

You think you're bad?

So how bad are you? "I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it..."

Because if you want some fun head over to Editor Cheryl Klein's blog for a bad writing contest. Years ago, my parents had the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest book in their bathroom. Boy it really helped pass the time.

Anyways, Cheryl decided that since there wasn't any children's literature winners, she'd do her own mini contest. Apparently the winner gets a three book contract. That is a joke. I meant to say they get her cool new book on writing. In fact, it's so new, it hasn't even become a book yet. It is more like a book embryo at this point. Though, her essays/speeches on writing really are top notch.

So late last night as I was enjoying another bout of insomnia, I saw a new post of Cheryl's on my handy blog dashboard. Like a late-night, giddy fool, I typed three quick ingenious (i was sure at the moment) bad-but-funny opening lines and posted them. Huzzah.

Then called my dad, since he had nothing better to do at that time, and ordered him to read. His reaction brought me back to earth as I realized my first post, especially, amounted to what I can only equate to a late-night drunk-call to your ex. Sadly, I had no booze to blame it on, just a late night stupor I mistook as genius. So yeah, the first "deleted by author" is mine. You're

Have at it. Look forward to enjoying your badness, though there is a LARGE caveat. Be funny.

PS Here's a photo update of Linus after his "tutoring" (thank you Jaime T for the Far Side reference). And, according to our vet, "reliving the 60's" at that moment.


  1. Hehe, looks like a fun contest. If I think of anything particularly bad I'll have to enter. But we all know all my ideas are genius, so...

    What? Why are you laughing?

  2. Oh poor Linus.... "the cone of shame."

    (You have seen UP, haven't you?)

    Hmmm, now, which of my really bad openning lines to choose......?


  3. Shelley, I have not seen UP yet, though watched the preview numerous times. A certain SRS winner happened to review it here:
    Seriously what can't that woman do?

    And Natalie, you should have NO problem coming up with something that bad... I kid, i kid. I've learned that blogging is not conducive to sarcasm.

    And a warm welcome to my newest disciple, err follower, Faith, who doubles as my older sister, excellent novelist, artist extraordinaire, virtuoso violinst, guitarist and song writer, straight A student, clever mystery reader/solver, crafty crafter, world traveller, word game savant, wife, mother and fine lady. I guess she more than doubles, more like, wear's many hats or something. Yeah she's brilliant, creative, beautiful, thorough, responsible. Obviously, Jesse and I struggled keeping up.

    In fact, in addition to my "brother post" that I've never gotten to yet, I am going to interview Faith about writing her new novel in an upcoming blog. Say in two weeks.

    Or so.

  4. I shouldn't taunt Natalie, she is clever and knows the dark art of ninjitsu.

    By the way Natalie, I saw your old post about The Deadliest Warrior. I LOVE that show. Brilliant. I liked when the Vikings were all cocky and got, err, cut down to size by the Samurai.

  5. Ha-ha on the late- night drunken call to your ex. I can so relate :)

  6. wears I meant, not wear's...

  7. Ben, the comment you just made about your sister is so sweet. I'm kinda feeling like a slouch now. Time to go over to check the contest.

    Hope Linus is feeling better!

  8. Lol, this is so true. Never send anything out in the middle of the night. I made that mistake once with a query and then woke up the next morning to read it and was mortified. Late night genius is dangerous. And your poor dog! He looks really cute with his lampshade though.

  9. Oh Linus.
    I'll go check out all these bad first lines!